there's not a time you're not on my mind. i feel as though you don't understand mine. nothing in common, but everything is there. the chemistry. the possibility. i wana know more, i wanna hear more. sorry 'bout all the fear. i wanna listen while you're busy talking. but every time i try to i shut down. there's not a moment i'm not busy hoping you'll see me in the way that i saw you yesterday. lying for hours and you're still in my head. i'd do anything to get someone else in there instead. i wanna know more, i wanna hear more. sorry i'm so afraid to tell you the things i'm singing to my phone at 2am.

pacing and singing the words that i'm feeling. will this be worth it? will you start to listen? i'm letting go of what i know. borrowed my sorrow, now i want it back. i'm taking a step to remaining intact. i'm giving off what i thought. hypnotized by the way i feel when you're on my mind. is anything even real? what i really want is anything but. i don't want to lay around by the phone for you to call. i know you were going through it, but i'm not taking back it at all. i'm setting free what i feel. i'm giving you space. isn't that what you want? if i'm backing up i just want you to know that no longer am i waiting for. i'm sorry for everything but i can't help it. i know i scared you off. thanks for giving me a chance to convince you, but i always lose. i'm not blaming you for anything. i know you did everything you had to. now for once i'm letting go of the feelings i keep feeling in my soul.

don't you know that i'm afraid of the way i feel? and the moment you tell me, i deny that it's real? impossible night, incredibly sight. how could i ignore you? if i could, i'd never take my eyes off you, right? in this beautiful sight. the light is shining across your face. it gleams and i don't feel out of place at all. this is where the magic happens. this is where the sparks take place. this is where the moonlight shakes and everything is on you. a spotlight, no sunlight in your eyes. you take mine and entwine our hands. don't you know that i'm afraid of the way i feel? and the moment i notice i deny that it's real? unbelievable night, breathtaking sight. but it's right in front of me. if i could, i'd never take my eyes off you, right? you're a beautiful sight. you're golden now, it's that timne of day. stop staring at mebut when i look at your face i don't feel out of place at all. this is where the magic happens. this is where the butterflies live. in a world where everything is perfect. but reality never forgives. don't you know that i hate that i can feel? but in the moment it seems like it's too real. spotlight. the sunlight in your eyes. you take mine. and intertwine our hands.

i can't close my eyes without picturing your face. i can't look at you without imagining your embrace. how am i supposed to just push those memories away. she tells me i'm better off. it was confusing from the start. is she right? so why am i still holding on to everything? nothing even happened. if i was selfish, then i'm sorry. i told myself not to worry, but i did. i can't hear your voice or i might start to remember. i can't hear your name. this is more difficult by the hour. what changed to make you go away? in one day, what happened? was it what i said? should i have kept it in instead? i think you misunderstood; i understand. i know it's my bad. just take my hand. tell me everything is gonna be okay. not anymore... you closed the door. you want nothing to do with me now. two weeks ago tonight, my head was in the clouds. i was a fool. how could i think this would help? i showed you too much. i should've kept it to myself. you're probably rolling your eyes. don't care at all if i cry. if i was quieter, might this never happened? i'd be okay tonight. you're probably telling her why. that i said things that just aren't true and i didn't mean. you used to look at me and smile. now there's only a glare in your eyes. i'm still trying to convince myself i don't care at all but i do. we were nothing at all. insignificant and small. so why do i care at all? you said that i lost feelings just to get me to admit you weren't wrong. you could've told me how you felt. or i guess, didn't feel at all. you said you got played in a jokingly way just to take off all suspicions from you. i shouldn't care at all. i shouldn't care at all. so why do i care at all?

i heard you say i was special. i bet you said that to all them. don't you think i was dumb and gullible, the new girl. do you know what i mean? there's so much more i need to say to you. but words just seems to make it worse. every time you talk to me lately it just puts me in a bad mood. i'm so mad at you it hurts. the fact that i can't get over is even worse. now that there's no chance i might see you again, can you say what for? what gives? why? how come you did? why? i heard that you were so worried. you couldn't eat or work at all. so now i'm trying to retrace my steps. i should hate you. why don't i hate you? i'm so mad at you it hurts. who says a thing like that, then acts like it was nothing? and i'm still feeling, which is worse. go away, get out of my head. i'm so tired that it hurts. there's no pain in your voice, did it matter? even though we had no chance, wasn't it fun while it lasted? i still remember exactly what you said. now we're just strangers with a secret. some hidden memory i can never share. good, i don't want to. why would i want to? i should hate you. why don't i hate you? i should hate you. i just can't hate you.

letting go is not my strong suit. i'll hold onto you for a while. i want nothing more than to forget, but you're in my head. you're in my head. communication led me nowhere. it felt like nothing i said or did was enough. i know i'm not easy. i fall too quick. i should've resisted you. letting go is not my strong suit. i've held on for too long at this point. you stood beside, looked at me as you lied to my face. why?

faster than the wind blows. nothing like my heartbreak in february. hotter than my face when you used to look at me. colder than the night of. nothing like my smile when you said i was beautiful. emptier than i felt when everyone left. why did i? i don't know. tell me leave and watch me go. watch my feelings resign as my entire mind. and i just need some rest for a year to forget. slower than my healing. failure of resistance and timing. we knew how it ends. when we were more than friends. we know how this ends. we can never be friends.

i can't tell you what makes me laugh anymore. i can't know you like i tried to before. i can't tell you that last night you made me feel like this. but i'm over it. you don't understand, when you tell me to open up, you should've meant it. i don't understand, when you told me i was special, that it wasn't enough. you should've meant it. i can't tell you how i wanted to hold you tighter. your face is everywhere. in my dreams, haunting my sleep. your name is everywhere. echoing in my head. now i wanna know why your face is everywhere. in my dreams, haunting my sleep. your name is everywhere. echoing in my head.

i watch you run around, maybe trying to impress me or you're probably not thinking. as your smile takes over your face. just for a second you look in my eyes. my heart is open. forever hoping you'll come back to me. i know it wasn't right. but i still want her. do you know how perfect that'd be? every day i could've seen you. every day i could've been with you. as i look at you, from across the room you smile, and i melt for a while. your hand inches closer. my face is getting red. i know that we just met, but i want to hold you close. do you want the same as me? do you feel the same as me tonight? as you avoid me in the hall, you probably saw my face fall. i'm sorry i ever thought this could be more. like turns into love... i was dumb to think that was enough.

should i write a million songs before you get it? taking me for granted. are you really that dense? i don't need your pitied help. go confuse someone else. don't take this as a sign of weakness. the start of everything is always bliss. i don't want your illusions. we're part of my imagination. i lost time and my mind. i tried and you lied. i wrote a million songs for you to get it. but you still didn't know what you had when you had it. i know it's always over and for that i say i'm fine. believe me when i tell you: wrong person, wrong time. i don't wanna wait. my fresh start had just begun. someday it could've been love. but you wanted to run.

i thought it was more than what you said. i was wrong. i thought there was more to what you meant. i was wrong. i guess i can't be surprised when i looked into your eyes. it was just too good to be true. i don't think it was a lie, but it happened so fast. i think i was a fool to cry for you. i thought, i hoped, i prayed that this was different. all that's left are some things we hadn't said. if you just knew what i meant. would it be this difficult? i guess i can't be surprised, 'cause when you looked in my eyes i was blinded by your light. i couldn't see anything else, i watched everything melt away. this wasn't supposed to be a song about how i felt. you didn't know what i wanted. after all, now there's really nothing left. take all my memory with you. i can't decide what's on my mind. is it you or the feeling i had with you?

i guess that this is fair. your stares turned into glares. you were my deepest fantasy. don't they always turn to tragedy? you yell across the tent. what exactly have you meant? i look the other direction. there stands our broken connection. i feel my rosed cheeks hours to days to weeks. the second she passes, i'm headed towards the sink. then i'm frozen. you cut my heart then tore it open. and say you thought we were friends. what do you think happened that february high? a lie?

i don't care what they say. i'll be there anyway. i just need the word from you. i just need the words from you. i don't care if they say you don't care. are you insane? the words from you... i just need the words from you.

i wanted to show you all the places i knew. we'd have our own. i wanted to tell you every secret i knew. would they have been safe with you? high and low, the places we'd go... leave your sorrows at the door. hidden meadows, harder to let go. leave your worries at the door. i wanted to know you, be the one you go to. why do we walk by instead? i almost knew you. been the one you went to. now we walk by, eyes ahead. low and high, who says it's goodbye? please don't lie, just say it outright. i liked you better when i didn't know you almost weaving our hands, could've said you didn't want to. did you like me better when i didn't want you? time is running out when i run outside. everything is you. stuck in my brain. 221 days, stuck in my brain. only you make me smile by just looking at your face. stuck in my brain. leave our memories at the door.

take in the moment. still leave me broken beside you. following instincts. hi to everyone besides you. hollowing heart bended the wrong way. i will forget the things you said to me. in retrospect you're calling me. ongoing affliction. defending for the things i guess you never said. take in the fresh hair. painfully aware then heedless. don't ask me why. is this another lie? do you think the only wrong was me being selfish? following your eyes when you make a move? still in love with everything you said to me. hypnotized by your faux apology. ongoing conflict. defending for all the things i know you said. why am i still praying you will not resent me? i figure i can take this lesson and forget you... you.

i've almost let go, i can tell. only two times a day, flashback to when i fell. i'm looking at you how i used to. ask me again, but you know too well. i thought it was the last time. even after all this time i find more. i'm dreaming of you how i used to. wish i never saw that message. they all know you were out of line. and every time you touch my face with your eyes. so intimate, your iris is the 4th of july. it feels so wrong, but i wish i was yours even though you're mine.

how was i supposed to know you'd trade me for a girl who didn't want you how i did? how was i supposed to know you'd trade me for someone who didn't feel the things that i did? i see your face in my mirror taking up the space in my mind. how i wish you were mine. you look at me with those sad eyes. i stop myself from saying that it's gonna be alright. how was i supposed to know you'd take my heart and crush it in the palm of your hand? looking back, i see you looking at me. i don't know if it was intentional but i hope you didn't see. i see your face in my dream tonight, taking up the space in my mind. i used to wish you'd be mine. you look at me with those sad eyes. and i feel bad, but baby, you don't know what i went through. don't look at me, you know i can't help myself falling to the ground at your feet. the grass is greener in your eyes. i still forget where i am for a moment. i nearly melted when our hands touched. it was too much for my heartbeat. like a cartoon, ripped my heart right out my chest. i wonder if you felt it too. i see your face in every dream at night. i wonder if i've ever been in yours. you look at me with those lovely eyes. i think you're more beautiful than you've been before. how was i supposed to know you'd have this impact on me? i thought it was just butterflies. how was i supposed to know it'd be 9 months and more? i'm still tasting the blood of your lies.

back to that friday when you put my bin on the shelf. you probably don't remember when you spoke up for me as i melt. back to the thursday when she told me it was nothing. i wish i never told you, but you said i was making it worse. how come that happened either way? yet you still come and take my breath away. overthinking every word you say. everything you do, you're always on my mind. wasting seconds i'd be standing in line. i can't be her, just around when it's convenient. how dare you come and take my breath away. they're disappearing again like those days. no matter what i do, you're still in my dreams. no matter what you say, you're never quite what you seem. say to me what you're saying to them. i never even get to know. say to me a genuine apology. but i don't want it if you don't mean it too. all you do is take my breath away. over and over in every single word you say. lost in your eyes again. the feeling i get is bent a little. but i still, you know...

every look you send, i wanna be more of your friend. do you see my frustration when you won't give up? every truth you break leaves me flat on my face. i almost give in, you start to resist. the ice was getting too thin. every time i close my eyes i get a flashback of that night. your smile replays on my screen before i press delete. your golden hair in the corner. your gaze across the room. who cares in this moment as long as i wanted you? i regret all the things we did. i take back every thing we said, 'cause maybe i misread the feeling you swore you had. i regret all the things i did. i take back everything i said. outside the room, telling you what i want is you. was that even true? i regret looking in your eyes. i regret saying hi instead of goodbye. maybe if i lied and said you weren't the one on my mind. every look you send, i wanna be more than your friend. do you see my frustration? i don't wanna pretend.

i'm at a loss for words. you might be lying, i heard. how did i ever miss? i told myself i wouldn't do this. i'm so afraid of love, yet these birds circling above my head... it's better to be afraid, i say. i'm not at all surprised you're in my head tonight. i'm holding on too tight. watch me fall apart again. i'm at a loss for words. you're the same person you were. only other thing you did was remind me that i'll never have enough to give. if you were listening, how'd you go that far? keep trying to convince yourself you didn't break my heart. you do it all out of love... you thought that just because i'm still thinking of it 9 long months later that i hate your guts. i know it didn't mean as much to you as it did to me 'cause how are you are okay? i wish i knew why i still care for you. and how are you okay? i wish you knew how much i cared about you. i'm at a loss for words. every step i take i'm reminded of the day we met. still thinking of your smiling face. i remember the day we came back. i yelled at myself in my head. if i didn't, i wouldn't be intact.

i'm so confused. am i missing cues? do you want more than what i can give you, darling? how can i help? tell me to open up then close yourself. tell me the truth. do you think of me half as much as i think about you? i wish you knew, i wish you knew, i wish you knew, i wish you knew how much i... i wish you knew you knew, i wish you knew, i wish you knew how much i love... your stare in the afternoon, even though it makes me feel like i'm falling away. your hair when it's dyed or it's natural or tied up or tied down or just there. she doesn't compare. she feels the way i do about you. maybe it'd be easier if we could choose who we wanted. maybe it'd be easier to choose who we wanted. would i ever be wanted? i couldn't refuse. busy missing all of you. if you need more, go and find what i can't give you, darling.

your back against my hands, never again. colors, they start to fade. drinking at ten. laying by myself. i didn't know you. did i ever know you? go and take my heart. leave me be, tear me apart. there is no right answer to this equation. when we talk, i'm a piece of paper resisting temptation. your words should mean nothing when they're nine months late. focus, disintegrated in front of my face. staying as long as i can. don't wanna be like you. how do you not see through? go and take my hand. carry out your dark, irreversible plan. there is no right answer to this equation. the first night i went to sleep, i smiled at nothing. was i anything to you, to you, to you? think i loved... think i wanted something different. something honest. feel free to take my heart. not that i could even object; you're such a delicate art. there is one right answer to this equation. feelings you brought me were too much to ever be friends. what do you not understand about what we were? are you purposely trying to break me? loud silence hurts. i should just run; would anyone come? feeling so useless. how do you do it?

i close my eyes, your face remains. if i had known that one thing it would have changed everything. i see your head down across the room. every other time i look you're looking at me too. if i didn't feel like it was all my fault, you'd know how i felt. you ripped me to pieces, but i'd do it again and again for the way you looked at me. and talked when i wasn't listening. your goodnight before you fell into sleep. would you fall into me? if everything was different. what do you mean you don't know what i want? just ask me and your name will come out effortless. i drown in dreams of you every night. if only you knew you abolished my darkness with your light. if i didn't feel like it was all your fault, you'd know how i felt. you tore up my new days, replaced them with heartache. oh, the things you said to me and stared when i wasn't watching. your sleep well before you fell into sleep. could you fall into me if everything was different?

stand in my mind. it's empty but it's full. the letter hangs in my hand, ripped at the top a little. i printed out ten cents a page, i paid a dollar. the only sounds are the cars and the buttons on my collar. how does it feel to always have my attention? i stare at you longingly when you don't know? chin on my hand, you're a wonderful distraction sometimes. most times. excitement pours out of me, i try to contain why's it matter if they don't care? they'd say that anyway i printed out ten cents a page, not enough for color i only had a dollar. how does it feel to always have my attention? i smile in my mask at the thought of just you head in my hands, what a pathetic disraction but is it if i like it? say hi to me when you walk in the door. i can't tell how you feel which the expression you wore. i printed out ten cents a page, not enough for color. if only i had just one more dollar. how does it feel to always have my attention? i've been waiting for you, to see through all my desperate glares. i try to stop, it's an incapable distraction but it isn't, 'cause i like it. no, it isn't, and i like it. oh, it isn't, 'cause i like it.

song

song

song

song

song

My tunneled vision is getting dimmer
Hope I make it in time for supper
She'll be making stew with her secret ingredient
She always told me I could never spill

Phone is ringing off the hook
Dad's out fishing with his
He'll be bragging that his perfect kids are gonna be like him someday
He always told me not to let people in

But if you told me to tell you the secret ingredient
I would do it in a heartbeat
If you told me I had to let you in I would
You deserve it all, things I cannot give
You deserve it all, things I cannot give
Even though your life is an oxymoron

song

Every time he's in my head
I want to dent the wall with it
Pound in me someplace else, I beg
My head is killing

Complicate the things he says that breathe into me on the surface
Counting down the days till we're dead
So unfair that he's not here to breathe into me on the surface
Counting up the days I'm still Read

Every time he's in my head
I wish I were unconscious
I have nothing left to give
The secret's spilling

Exaggerate the things he says that grow into me on the surface
Counting down the days the world's gone
So before you're not here anymore, grow into me on the surface
Counting up the days I'm still Read

Every time he's in my head,
I wish I were comfortably still
Fortunate soul, wish you were me
Know you will

song

song

song

song

song

song

song

song

song

song

song

song

song

song

song

song

song