the beginning
I have always loved to read and write. I've been singing since I could talk, and I started writing songs for fun in elementary school. All I could write about at the time were my silly school crushes, but new feelings of despair, rejection, and anxiety formed inside me near the end of middle school. So going into high school with new views about the world and myself made it a constant art class for me. My instrument collection started with a keyboard, then I added a ukulele, then a guitar. I started making songs with whatever I could come up with. Though I never professionally learned, I managed to make music with what I had. I don't know music theory or note names, but I've gotten this far without it!
For many, words flow effortlessly off the tongue. There is little thought involved in conversation. It feels natural for them. I am not one of those people. I have always had so many emotions and the only way I knew how to express them was in poetry. I could think about how I really felt and come up with the best possible way to describe it.
Back then, I wasn't seriously considering being a musician. It didn't occur to me to write down chords or keep everything in one place. I lost some songs that way. One in particular I loved the lyrics to is gone forever. I think about it every now and then and it ruins my day. I did post some rough recordings to Youtube in school, but I deleted them all the moment my mother showed my channel to our extended family. I didn't post on that channel ever again.
Once I got a better phone, it was much easier to keep track of my music. The recordings were still rough, as I'd often get frustrated and leave mistakes in, but I got attached to those mistakes and to the stripped sound. That rawness became one of the most important things to me. It was something that made my songs feel more like me.
In an effort to be more organized, I put my songs together in binders and sorted them. They became my most prized possessions. At first, it did not cross my mind that I could lose them in a catastrophe out of my control. This website is a way to ensure I never lose my art, which has been the only constant in my life. If I ever lose it, I will have nothing left.
the project
Near the end of high school, my situations started getting more specific, and I struggled to find music I connected with. I started listening to my own, music written specifically for my feelings that I could sulk to.
There was always a reason to record all my music but they just kept coming until eventually I couldn't ignore them. I write so much about other people. I fixate on them, I idealize them, I turn them into whatever suits me in the moment. So I decided to create what I call The Starring You Project. I am publishing every poem and song I've ever written since I was 14 that survived. I am no longer passionate about many of these songs anymore, which makes it difficult at times(I'm about halfway through as I am writing this). I want to get it done as quickly as possible, but even then it will take about a year and a half of consistent effort. If I released them all with a typical rollout it would take over a decade, and in that time I would no doubt write more music, which is exactly what is happening now. I have already written four additional albums since I released my first collection not even one year ago.
In an ideal world, I could treat my music like the art it is, and gift it with the visuals it deserves. I have so many ideas for music but money brings out the evil in people so everything is expensive. One day maybe I can make my visions reality, but in the meantime all I have are unmastered files. That is likely how those files will stay because I do not have the time or energy to make sure everything sounds perfect in every way. I don't spend time tinkering with EQ or panning or effects. I'm not interested in being on streaming or the radio. I don't attempt to market. My view is, if you never come across my music, you were never meant to. I don't even expect people to like it. It is still surprising to me when people say they do.
why neocities
I attempted to make a website with Wordpress but it was very difficult for me to make it look like my sketch. I discovered Neocities, and for a week or so I tried to learn the basics of code so I could get a simple site running for my poetry, and eventually my music. Looking at all the incredible sites was slightly discouraging, and I got a little carried away trying to add things into my site I liked but that weren't really necessary to the project. I wasted a bit of time there, but I'm back on track and I love the way my site looks now.
To those people visiting I wrote about, you have shaped who I'll be for the rest of my life. I only truly regret one of you, but I should thank all of you, because I could not have been so inventive if it wasn't for the pain I caused and was given. Thank you for being so trusting as to let me in your life. I am probably not truly sorry about anything I've done.
If you value honesty and rawness, I'm glad you found this page. Even though I made this project for me, I hope you get something lasting out of my music. It means everything to me when people do.