(10.14.18)the day you kissed me while we were dancing what did it mean?

what did it mean? it probably didn't mean much to you, but to me, i can't stop overthinking. telling me they that friend of yours you also dated said "you know how i get jealous so easily watching you and her". i feel like my heart is screaming trying to find the meaning, or if it meant anything at all. for a second i stopped breathing. it felt like i was floating. how can someone have that impact on me? what did it mean? you probably thought that nothing would change, but to me, nothing will be the same. showing me all the texts that he sent saying that he wanted you to be, to be his again. i feel like my heart is screaming. trying to find the meaning, or if it meant anything at all. for a second i stopped breathing. it felt like i was floating. how can someone have that impact on me? i feel like my heart is screaming. was there even a meaning? i can't stop overthinking you.
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(12.13the night we broke up the 2nd time-14.18) Bloodshot Eyes

I don't regret a thing, 'cause now I know pain.Crying my eyes out on my bed. Reading all the words you said. we wrote back and forth Writing letters in my room. Memories of me and you. How can I possibly move on? Now you're gone. Bloodshot eyeswe're still logged into each other's social media and i wanted to see if they said anything about me. i saw "my eyes are so bloodshot" and quiet cries. Shaky hands, lost in a trance. Forgiveness nonexistent. Sacrificed plans. What if we never talk again? What will my life be like? I want to let go, but I really don't. I don't know. Bloodshot eyes and quiet cries. Shaky hands, lost in a trance. Forgiveness nonexistent. Sacrificed plans. Every time I see your face I almost cry. I know it's not our placethe hidden area on the side of our school anymore, but I still go there sometimes. This might be the end of us, I fear. Heartbreak and battles and dried tears. I still want to hold you near. Is it wrong to say I want you here? Now you're gone.
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(7.9.19) arnold, jack, and stevenone of our inside jokes

you are the only one who ever thought that much of me, and i was stupid enough to throw it all away. i'm not gonna say "it was a mistake, i want you back" like i said that day. but i wanna tell you i hope you find your love. i've been thinking about all the things i put you through. i've been contemplating. why am i not capable of love? tell me, love. you are the only one that i told everything to, and i was dumb enough to leave it all behind. i'm not gonna say "i wish i was with you" but i can't erase the secret things only i know about you. that's why i've been thinking 'bout all the things i put you through. i've been contemplating. why am i not capable of love? tell me, love. i'm sorry i rejected you. i'm sorry i expected you to run back in my arms every time. i'm sorry i pushed you around and acted as if i was ashamed of you, but we know if it was real it would've stayed existent that time. why do i feel like it's all in my head? so i know now i don't deserve to know you. and it just feels so impossible. i can't tell if you'll ever forgive me and if you won't i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
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(7.13.19) scarvesone of our inside jokes

aren't you tired living a life? living a lie? would it be so bad if you disappeared tonight? and all would be so well, like the piece close to your face. your broken heart and now it cannot be replaced. the fire is dying slowly. the songs we sing are holy.the day after our 2nd breakup we had to see each other at church in the evening. we sang holiday songs together. we were outside and it was dark so i couldn't see your face well. what have i done? tears fall down your cheeks when we got back together you told me you had been crying during it. as we sing december. all will be erased but eventually endeavored. all is well for now till 4-4the day we broke up (officially) for good comes and it shatters. peace has passed you by, now the pieces fed on a platter. begging you for mercy. one more second chance. and your heart's in a hurry. should you place it in hermy hands...hands, again?
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(R7.24.29) homecomingparallel lyrics to what did it mean?

dinner at that restaurant right down the street. driving with our hands together, looking down at our feet. twirling food between our forks we went to olive garden for our makeshift homecoming and both got alfredo smiling like I've always been yours. i wonder if things would've changed if the next day i stayed in bed. but you turn the musicpeach pit by peach pit on and we dance all morning long. you stop suddenlywhen you kissed me, i didn't have time to react before it was over, then you look at me right in my eyes. and then the world disappears just like it was never here.
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(9.12.19) october 15thwrote this because i thought you didn't want me anymore and i wanted to feel sad. you asked me out shortly after you saw the song. i said no. what??? i don't know what i was thinking showing it in public

you told me to follow my dreams, and i tried to. but the one thing that you don't know- baby, my dream is you. i want to tell you, but i don't know how to 'cause my heart speeds up when you get closer. i want to know you. i want to start over. but you're here and now my words are caught up in my throat. every breath i take is like i'm losing sleep. like all i want is to know you again. and the life i lived has nothing left to give. 'cause all i wanted was right in my arms. they told me to let go of the past, and i tried to. but the one thing they just don't know- my past was you. i want to tell you but i don't know how to, 'cause my mind always thinks back to everything i said. i want to know you just like i used to. and if you say you i promise i'll just go away. every breath i take was like i lost my sleep and what i wanted was to know you again. and the life i live has nothing left to give, 'cause i have nothing and you're not in my arms. alll the time it took for us to find our way, i'm starting to think we're better off. 'cause you're happy now and i'll eventually be happy even though you're not in my arms.
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(R12.10.19) NO DANCINGart museum

It's hard not to think about you in a lonely art room. Pictures around us, telling us what to do. I handed my heart to the one in the sweater. old you the truth, didn't make you feel better. People like you make me question my sanity. Are you a dream or is this all reality? Now I have yours and I don't know what to do with it. There's a hole in my chest where my heart used to be and yours doesn't fit. So if there's a chance I can tell you how I'm really feeling without you running away... All these moments, endless hoping. Polaroids spread out around the floor, I'm sobbing. I have no reason so I don't know why I'm not stopping. To tell you the truth, didn't make me feel better when I gave my heart to the one in the sweater. People like them make me wanna move galaxies. Why is everyone consumed in their vanity? You said "hold on" but I'm done with this game and the waiting. I know it's hard, but I gave you my heart and it's breaking. So if there's a chance I can show you how I'm really feeling. Me, a dreamer. Lifeless goner. Me, a dreamer. Worthless breather. It's hard not to think about you in a lonely art room.
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