do you remember the night we met? we met on an app
you said hi at almost 9pm
we spoke until night turned to day
when we talk, all this weight on me falls away

and i want to fall asleep next to you
next to you

do you remember the moment we clicked?
we talked and it felt like
you were the one my life had missed
we spoke till the sky was pink
when we talk you make all this weight
gone in a blink

and i want to fall asleep next to you
next to you
i just wish i could fall asleep next to you
next to you, next to you

would i be the one who kept you up until noon
saying “don’t go to sleep, don’t leave me”
if i could just go back, tell you what you wanted to hear
everything would be okay here

and i run in circles every time i go around
and that’s fine
but when i wake, i feel dizzy and i wanna escape
you don’t feel alright
if only i could lie


you wonder where i’ve been in my head
i don’t wish it was anyone instead
i wish i could feel how you feel
i wish we were in the past
i wish it was real

i walk in circles every night
sometimes i cry a little on the inside
but when i wake, i feel helpless and i don’t wanna wait
you made me wanna stay
i felt okay

i wish it was a lie
i wish i felt alive
and it’ll heal in time
but i can’t help but believe everything would be fine if i lied

i run in circles every time something reminds me
if i wait, you’ll feel sadder and i don’t wanna fake my feelings
but would it be alright if i lied?

What’s in your hands?
The blood rush to your chest when I talk to you?
What are your plans?
Will you stay here forever or will I be blue?

Well, I know what you mean?
Don’t be vague! What do you think of me?
Well, I know what you say to her
But don’t be vague
Make me uncomfortable

You said yourself it’s better to tell when they don’t love you
You’ve got this hell inside
Can’t seem to shake that you’re the fool

Well, I know what you mean
Don’t be vague! What do you think of me?
Well, you know I know what you say to her
But don’t be vague! Make me uncomfortable

I know what you mean
Don’t be vague; What do you feel for me?
I can see what you say to her?
Make me uncomfortable

I watch her watch him
What is it like to be so elegant?
Can we get away?
Can we go away?

Can we get away?
Tell you what I had in mind
Do you want to waste time?
‘Cause we can’t rewind
Tell me, how is this fair?
You still don’t care
What do I have to do?
What do I have to say
to get you to notice my existence?
For you to acknowledge my presence?

Almost three years along, I can say three years since we met
You were blind to the ear
You couldn’t hear all of my vacancy

Every time I tried to warn you
It was always the same
“You’re not to blame
They care about you” which i get. what else are you supposed to say? but i just couldn't take it anymore

Is it selfish of me to finally wonder why they don’t know me at all?
Well, it’s my mouth’s fault
Is it selfish of me to finally realize
all that you conquer is all that you’ve lost?

Every time, I was preparing you i thought i would leave you, leave everyone
And I have no shame
You’re not to blame
But what if I am?
You’re not to blame
But I know I am how do you not see me the way i see myself? you've been in my life much longer than i thought i could handle it

Almost 7 months now, I can say seven months since i ghosted you
You misunderstood
I am not good
I think it’s contagious i'm glad it's not because you're the most amazing person i've ever known. do you truly see me the way you say you do? i wonder if you leave anything out
I am not good
It’s getting dangerous

Is it selfish of me to finally wonder where
I am just floating in a foggy grey sphere?
Is it selfish of me to give you who you’ll bear?
You can be with her and I will be here

How you still want my words, I can say
I know it’ll fade it hasn't faded yet
You’d never tame all of my vacancy

Taking pictures when you’re naked we used to video call a lot. i would take screenshots of you being your silly self
It’s my favorite creation
Caging the way you fake it; indignation you pretend you hate it. it makes me smile too. i take mental pictures
I know you love it

At dawn I’ll be on your lawn
But believe me, it won’t be easy
If you’ll take me and save me
I’ll be completely at your feet

I can feel the loss is so long you sent me emails when i would go on my long absences
How am I worth this? i'm just not
I don’t belong
I can feel my flaws being watched
I am not worth this
It feels so wrong spend your energy and sadness on someone else. it's a waste on me

Aching for new beginnings
I am jaded from living
Jealous the way you’re flawless i still feel this way three years later
It’s always in my headspace

Lately I’ve been waiting
For another letter to feel guilty over another email. i was very mad writing this line
It’s not your fault I’m only cobalt
It’s not what you thought, is it? is it my fault?
My fault is that I’m creeping
I should be sleeping

I can feel the loss from here
How am I worth this fear?
I can hear my flaws from so far
I am not worth this scar
It just feels wrong

It’s hazy
I’m not crazy
I was led dazed into his maze
In reality I am floating
But I'm so sorry
Forgive me in case it wasn't clear, this is not a genuine apology. in this song i'm mad at you because i felt like it wasn't fair of you to make me feel guilty with your sad emails while i was on a completely different planet searching for a will to live