medium grey
(9.4.19)

i don't know how long i can wait
till i fall apart and the feelings are too great
i could take forever trying to find the missing piece of me
but if i'm right with this feeling
well, then i don't want to wait
so i want to know, do i ever have a chance?
after all that's happened
i don't think i have time to mess around and dance
I've learned that people only push you to the ground
i'm hoping you'll trust me
'cause i'll never let you down

in medium grey i see the wishful future in your eyes
looking ahead, look at me, i'm trying to catch your eye
if i were brave i would walk up to you and say
just how my heart jumps when you do so much as look my way

so i want to know, do i ever have a chance?
when you run your fingers through your hair
and you don't know that i care
i'm so nervous
and now my hands are shaking uncontrollably.

do i ever?
(9.?.19)

do i ever cross your mind?
what happens when you hear my name?
i just want to know who you are
and is that so wrong?

i can't tell if i want you
or if i just want to want you
but i just want to tell how i feel

do i ever cross your mind?
what happens when you hear my voice?
i just want to know what you like
and is that a crime?

i can't tell if i want you
or if i just want to want you
but i just want to tell you how i feel

Jumping in water
(9.30
10/11.-19)

when i see your face it's like i'm jumping in water
i'm drowning and i can't see the end
but i can tell you one thing:
you're always in my head and i know you're not leaving

your voice replays in my head
and i'm trying not to be too obvious
the day you left
i was trying to convince myself i wasn't into you
but i was wrong, i can't move on
i'll never ever ever get over you

when i see your face it's like i'm spinning in my head
i'm falling and i can't see the end
but i can tell you one thing,
you're stuck there in my mind
and i know you're not leaving

you take enough from me:
my breath when i am near you at all
the smile that i hold in
i can't help but feel this hatred for you
'cause i was wrong. i can't move on
now i'll never ever ever be getting over you

we are nonexistent in the way i call real reality.

these days
(11.18.19)

these days i'm feeling hopeless
alive but life's not going the way i hoped it would
'cause you're not mine
i know that life is unfair
but do you need to add the glare?
are you a hypocrite?
like they've always been?
i tried to fall for someone else
didn't feel right. i'm bored with myself
i tried to go a different way
but i feel like I've been waiting for you

am i crossing the line?
been pacing back and forth all night
i'm trying to survive
but i can't when you don't reply all i need is a week
some confidence, a prayer on my knees
then what i cannot do
someone who will ask you
these days i'm feeling like everything's the matter with me
am i a hypocrite?
like they've always been?
i tried to wait for someone else
but you're right there! i'm ready to know you
tell me if you can tell
my stare runs deep, you should know it too well
if nothing ever changes... well, nothing will
i bet it's a joke to you
what am i waiting for?
i have nothing to lose?
every stupid breath is meaningless without you

without you
(11.27.19)

i can't be without you
i don't ever wanna lose

i can't see without you
i don't ever wanna breathe

i can't win when you're not within
in my mind telling me that i can win
you're always there when i need you here
and if you don't come back i'll make you choose

i can't sleep without you
i don't ever wanna choose

i can't think without you
i don't ever wanna leave

you're always there when i want you here
i'm in your mind telling you that it's not fair

i can't live without you
i don't ever want to be without you

hopefully
(12.18.19)

i'm off to a good start
i feel like everything is out of my hands
i'm leaving the pictures
the note of everything is gone
i'm moving on
i had a dream to be at least a place at all
but i didn't get far

young soul of mine
you're always looking for a reason to be naive and dumb
you're a fool
you're still hoping there's hopefully a place for you

your hints aren't subtle
i'm afraid I've gone too far but there's a rebuttal
i get back up and fall further each time
talk to me
i won't talk to you

my world comes tumbling
(12.22.19)

i feel like my world comes tumbling down every time you look at me
and my mind spirals out of control every time you walk by me
but if i'm being honest, i know what's best right now
and it's not looking at you
i'm trying not to cry but it just takes too much effort not to think of you

i want to let you know how it's difficult to say the words
my heart is so pathetic, it breaks in just one second
by myself