lying to myself
(12.24.19)

you're only a distraction
your face has no reaction
when your hair flips back
and your shoes click-clack
my mouth isn't wide open
you're not perfect in my eyes
you're flawed
i have everything i want to have it all

maybe i am trying to convince myself
it's something else
and i don't want to know you
maybe i'm right, the other half of me is fine
when you're not here, i'm effortlessly calm

i'm not even attracted
my heart is never acting up
i just wanna know how many walks it takes
to get your eyes to break
my jaw isn't stuck open
you're not perfect in my eyes
you're flawed
it takes everything in me
not to want it all

maybe she is trying to convince herself
it's something else
and she doesn't want to know you
maybe she's right
the other half of her is fine
when you're not here she's
effortlessly calm