So I must admit... I have always been quite the romantic.
My first crush was in first grade.
I showed him I was interested by staring at him from a distance and speaking to every boy in the class except him.
That was the case with a lot of my crushes.
I did the same with you.
We were in drama club together.
You talked to me two times.
The first was the day I noticed you.
For some reason there was fruit punch at a rehearsal.
Blah blah blah something about fruit punch blah blah and then you said my name.
I was genuinely shocked.
I didn't know you knew my name or who I was.
I had not known of your existence previous to the crush, just like Mockingbird.
The other time you spoke to me was by obligation, but I still count it.
Even though our characters never technically interacted, we did have to share the same microphone during the performances.
You were going to hand it to me after your scene very quickly, because it took a minute or two to get my costume on and we only had a few of those.
You held out the microphone during the dress rehearsal and looked me straight in the eyes.
I wasn't processing what you were saying at that point because all I could think was how you were undeniably aware of my presence and existence.
You knew who I was.
How insane was that?

I found out you had a girlfriend on accident.
The people who weren't in the scene, you included, were rehearsing were in the hall working on other things.
I passed by and you were saying something about your girlfriend coming to our school next year, and that at the moment she was at the rival school.
I felt something break inside of me.
I already felt the tears.
I sat down in the middle of the audience and I cried.
It was almost over, so I was looking forward to leaving.
My friend drove me home, and I remember that as soon as I shut the car door I started sobbing.
I ran inside, probably to write more poems. (lolz)
stalked your social media that night and found out you had been together for years.
What an awful day.
Before I found out about your girlfriend, I convinced myself you liked another girl in theater.
My theory for the reason is that I needed a barrier between us so I surely don't have a chance, therefore I don't have to go any further than this.
Well. It makes sense to me.

Something that confused me back then was why I didn't realize you had bright blue eyes and instead thought they were brown.
I have no idea how this is possible.
I actually had a friend of mine in that club go and talk to you one day to find out.
I was writing a poem because sometimes there is just nothing to do, and I wanted to be sure.
She said they were blue.
I erased chocolate from my poem.
I guess I didn't like you as much as I thought.