you're not coming
(6.15.19)

i can't tell you how much i am scared
and i can't tell you i wish i was there

i don't want to remember
the day that i first saw your face
the way i saw i'd been replaced
and i just want to show you how i feel
'cause i am so afraid
i want you to know that i am not okay

i want
everything i could possibly need
the sound of your voice to comfort me
and i just want to tell you
all i want is you
but i know you can't help if you don't want me too

we are
everything that i will never have
but this night alone is all i am
why can't i just tell you how i feel
what i want is you
everything else is now broke in two

helpless i have become
i've waited and waited
i've tried and i've tried
i've waited
i'm waiting
but you're not coming

clouds
(12.18.19)

where will the rain keep falling
when will the lights go out
i don't know where i'll be in a few years
but i'll keep praying i'll be here

and why do the clouds look grey
how can existence feel hopeless
i don't know where i'll be in a few years
but i'll keep praying i'll be here

and why does the world seem so small
it's like i can see through it all
i don't know why i'm here or why i exist
but i'll keep praying i find a reason to fight this

where does the cycle end
never ending brokenness again
i can't tell where i'll be in a few months
but i pray i'll believe that i'm enough

so be it
(12.28.19)

There's a fine line
All he wants is somebody
Even though he's in my head 25/8
He won't be alright if he's someone else's break

Where can I find him?
Where did he go?
Can I even trust him when all I know are hearts that are cold?
It's forbidden but I'll love him even when he's gone
And if you fall, so be it

We talk all night. I don't cry
I might be alright looking in his eyes
He's in my head 25/8
He might be alright for 3000 more days

So where can I find him?
Where will he go?
Across the atlantic
Buried in the snow
I know it's forbidden but meet him and you'll see
He's perfect for me
We're meant to be

Where can I find him?
What adventures will we take?
Give him a chance, mother
He won't disappoint my heartbreak

Lost
(2.?.20)

i'm thinking of you for the firs time since then
i'll forget you like you're not the rest of them
i can't recall why i've been so in love with the idea
you've been on my mind just enough to be here

i'm looking at you differently since then
you remind me of the night
such a pretty light
when the moon and the stars shine bright
i can't recall why i've been so in love with the idea
maybe i'm hallucinating but i swear i saw someething there
am i insane?

why am i like this?
why do i turn a simple stare into something there?
why am i like this?
how can you turn a simple stare into something that was never even there?

why am i this way
how would i turn a simple glance?
i bet i don't have a chance
a happiness pretending stance
a song but i don't even dance
your voice puts me in a trance

oh, i'm lost in your eyes
as you turn your head
are you surprised that i'm not dead?
i'm hanging by a thread
lying on my deathbed
still hearing the words that you said
oh, i'm lost