if you asked me i wouldn't know what to say
i would hesitate then tell you everything is okay
then the next day you'd see me with my hair dropped off
and you'd ask me again
why are you wasting your time wondering if i'm fine?
and you'd say

it's okay not to be okay
i haven't been okay lately and it's fine to need a change
it's alright if you need some time to breathe, i see
how are you, really?

if i told you i feel like you'd just push it away
i'm scared of bursting out crying
while trying to find a way to explain
but i don't know how to tell you
don't know how to wish you goodbye

will you leave me at my lowest
but pretend that you've always been there for me

it's okay not to be okay
i haven't been okay lately so it's fine if you need to change
it's alright staying up till five
as long as you recognize it

if i tried to accept it then refused to ignore
i'm hurting, i'm hurting, i'm hurting
if i cry out to you, i have nothing to lose
i'm drowning, i'm drowning, i'm drowning

not okay not to be okay
i haven't been too well lately
i'm in desperate need of change
not alright staying up till five
i'm so tired of life
i'm empty, really

their voices replay in my head
they whisper like i am dead
and i wanted to be
my mind, emptying the doubt
something i can't live without
soon i'll be free

turn away for a second, i'm gone
oh, draped across the floor like a dog
oh, and if only i was stronger than this
4-15

i'm so tired
peace before the fire
i'm ignored
new year, body leaned against the door

video i watch a thousand times on my bedroom floor
secrets not even you know
my impulse, flooded with my evil
i never told a soul of that one time
when i did, you dismissed with one line
people, i think too much to handle
i never told a soul of that one time
why would you answer with one line at all?

i'm so bored
they're the only thing that makes me crack a smile anymore
i'm not real
are there even words to explain the way i feel

video i watch to try and stop myself somehow
secrets your house would never allow
impulse, drowning in my evil
i barely think of that one time
would it change you thinking i'm alright?

video, the audio i lean against my ear
take me somewhere i can't fear
every step is so impulsive
no energy to plan it
how am i still here?

i'm so bored
you were once the only thing that i looked forward to anymore
drifting, i know you couldn't help it
i hate to make this all about me
i just wanna be free

leave it all to me
don't have time to write more history
i'll make it easy to find
and leave it all behind

it's hard to take the high road
when you're blaming me when i told
at least he asked
even though it was his job
i can hear you saying
"No! Maybe if you told me,
you wouldn't want to be free
from whatever life this is"
i can only picture it
"Maybe if you weren't so
addicted to that phone,
we wouldn't be in this mess"
i'd be gasping as i wept

my light is fading
i wish i had more time
my voice is breaking as i start to say goodbye
i love the way you smile at me
i love how you send another when i don't respond
when your face lights up like you've seen someone you haven't in years
and i fear it's the last time

my hands are shaking as i hand you the letter
my head is caving
close my eyes and remember every video i used to stay in it
every moment i wished i was someone else's kid
been hours in my room, nowhere to hide
nothing to block out the sounds of my inevitable demise

i was patiently waiting, i didn't have much time
her voice was breaking, always steady 'round mine
i loved the way you smiled at me
like there was nobody else in this messed up world
your eyes lit up, and i thought you were looking at her
but you weren't

It's nights like these that I wonder
about everything I wish I didn't wish for
so many months ago
It's nights like these that I hope for
a change so small they can't see
when looking in the mirror back at me

But nights like these don't last long
They're filled with dark and passing cars
A distant voice of someone you once knew
Nights like these stay in heads
of people who weren't present then
And they regret the absence of the right things they said

sometimes i feel out of my skin
sometimes i think when will life begin?
i'm looking into the window of my own life
filled with imbalance and disappointment and strife
i sit and watch and i observe up to a point when it's boring

why can't you see?
everything matters when nothing matters
if what they say is true (you just know)
when will i begin my life?
i'm looking into the windows of my own life
filled with imbalance and disappointment and strife
i sit and watch and i observe up to a point when it's boring

I don't want to live when I have to give
I would rather save my breath for my last days
I don't want to try when my brain is dry
And it always is
I sleep with my eyes open and I almost exist

I don't want to die
When will you realize? We lie
So I wonder why you are stalling
burying six feet under
Six feet under

Precious passion at stake when you recreate
You don't let it fade
It's so wicked, but I'm still by the picket
I don't need to care, for the strain is too unbearable
And it always is
I look with my eyes closed and I'm close to exist

I don't want to die
When will you realize? They lie
I'm curious why you are stalling
submerging twelve feet under
Twelve feet under

Do you think I have not tried to hunt meaning?
We have been archenemies since I arose screaming
I resent the indefinite healing I was owed
For years I rove when I was told it gets better
But when?
They say "one day"
When? When? When?

I am an alien in a box of dogs
It'd be a joke to pretend I fit
And my heart, it glows with lack of it
I feel like I am living my own epilogue

Oh dear God, please just kill me
Or run your mouth and admit why
you like to watch me ache
I only tolerate life with a synthetic smile
All the while, your foot in the aisle
"It gets better" but when?
They say "patience"
When? When? When?

I learned to love the battle
When I was young I had everything on my mind
What is life if not a sick relief from life?
"It gets better"
Are you even for sure?
Is it worth it?
When? When? When?

They are the aliens, I'm the normal one
Get to the point in time, I have little left
All I can see is a fossil grey fog
Now that I am living my epilogue

This is my confession
I'm not being mean
I just can't respect anyone that comes near
Too close to my bed
This is my expression
Laughing with a straight face
I just can't enjoy anyone that comes near
Into my fate

This is my confession
I'm not being self deprecating
I can't accept anyone would love me
It just doesn't make sense
This is my affection
Take it all or leave it
I just can't ignore everything that I feel
Don't know how to hold back