I am the pageant queen painting on my last face
If I were to scream, would you hear me and please save me from this place?
If I cannot live with myself, why would I expect that from anyone else?
Can you see my message? Can you see the sky?
I wrote in bars with my lovesick guitar
This is my way of pleading in the dark
I am a doll gluing on my last nail
If I were to glue my mouth shut, would that be too far?
If I cannot live with myself, how can I expect that from anyone else?
Can you see my messages? Are you reading my story?
I write in pages and I hide behind songs
Never been so sure I felt that for anyone
Tell her I'm sorry
I'm so so sorry

I shout from every bridge and every decoy
Cars don't stop unless they make noise
More and more days I cry out for a wish
Tell me I'm not okay, I swear I won't resist
They slide through your brain
You don't get it
You never got it

Give me a reason
Give me a reason
Give me a reason
Give me a reason

here i am at ten hoping i don't fall again
not that it'd be the worst thing in the world to go
here's your voice again, screaming every word again
hands on my ears as i wish everything was different

i leave in time
the note is mine
5 on the dot
walking on the road as i cry
his car drives by
"do you need a quick ride?"
i don't care about anything so i don't decline

here i am at twelve
white room in a white bed
i'm starting to regret what i told them
the blame starts again
gaslit dreams
i need a friend
someone, anyone
i pushed you away

i did this to myself
they can't do anything to help
i shut my eyes so tight
i wished i bled out
lock it in a safe place
everything's a weapon if it breaks
i'd find a way

i'm doing this to myself
i don't ever need your help
shutting my eyes so tight
i hope i bleed out
how would i do it, you say?
everything's a weapon when it breaks
i'll find a way

too soon
january
fifteen
waiting

too late
january
sixteen
hanging

I do remember spending my hours on miles folded into nothing
I do acknowledge now, years staying around someone I know could've done much better
I can surely say how you rearranged and hid it away
So what was all that far if I'm gone now?

But at least you don't get to tell me that I'm being selfish
And you don't get to tell me I should have told you this
And you don't have to forgive me for the thousandth time
But I'll be around thinking about
The view from halfway down

I do recall when I snapped at your kindness
Leave me alone, I don't want you here
I think about how I pushed through
I wish you could've been there to see me

But at least you don't get to tell me that I'm being selfish
And you don't get to tell me I should have told you this
And you don't have to forgive me for the thousandth time
But I'll be around thinking about
The view from halfway down

I can't escape you at any corner
Turns out that I've destroyed myself
Will he forgive me? He keeps on punishing me
I'm afraid I'll never get what I need if I leave right now
But while you're around, I can't

'Cause you won't get to tell me I'm being selfish
And you won't get to tell I should have told you this
and DON'T YOU DARE forgive me for the thousandth time
But I'll always be around thinking about
The view from halfway down

When I am Finally gone
Rip my throat out and drown it in a pond
All my life's been leading to this
Leave me with the taste of fruit on my lips

When I can finally decide
When I can make up my mind
6 months counting leading to this Drop me with a trace of fruit on my lips 'Cause I don't want to leave this place With any possible trace of things that I hate I don't want to have to explain If I'm selfish then you can complain when you Dance on my Grave dance on my grave Sad eyes when I recoil from your touch Still give me rocks that remind you of us Goodbye never seemed so fair Now you regret not asking why I rejected your care I just want to leave this house that was never a home You'll only care when I'm gone I don't want to have to engage with a note that'll only explain why i'm deep in a grave I do want to hold you tight, but you think I make excuses The phone doesn't do it I don't want to be here if you only care when I'm gone when it's a girl that I'm on i don't want to i don't think i can and i don't care i don't care I don't care if you don't want me to leave this palce The memories of you I have are ones I want to erase Can I even love someone And not destroy it all? If I'm Selfish Then You can Complain when you scream at my grave Wondering why I did it Mother, I can't explain Why I'm

Put on my shoes while I breathe in the smoke 'Cause my mother won't stop She says she's too far gone And the weight of her words, they mean nothing when she doesn't try And keeps hurting herself It's a joke to say "love you" if you've been a liar It's fine, though, I get it: You're tired with the dire urge to be someone that you'll never be just 'cause you couldn't control your temper The house that I live in's alive just to watch Me on the floor and her screaming her head off I tell him the story and he says he's not in the mood But that's okay, 'cause I should've known It's a joke saying "I'm here for you" when you're somewhere else And a crime to feel bad or remotely good about yourself "The pain that you're feeling will end So stay. I'll only have little" No, don't tell me to let it go I see you put on a show When I say that I like you so much I can't breathe No, don't dare say you were afraid That's something someone would say When the truth's too unbearable I know I can't blame you, I'd probably freak out anyway Hearing your kindness is like daggers in chests 'Cause everyone likes you, they don't know the rest And the silence you break means you don't want to take The time for sorry and confessions and all that shh No, don't tell me this is a grudge I see you try not to judge when I say that she burned me till I couldn't breathe No, don't dare say that I was the fool I saw a light behind her cruelness Believe me, I tried to find hate in my heart Oh, no, don't tell me I would be selfish You make it harder to admit I feel so unworthy 'Cause I'd rather not be called names It's a joke to say "love you" when you've been a liar I'm guilty, I'm free But just sometimes I miss you so much Miss you so much I can't breathe

Now that I'm alone All the trees, they look like people I wish I'd known And I'm afraid I'm home If these are my best days, what's it matter if I'm grown? All the time I lament it, leaving all my baggage at the corner Oh, how I miss her All the time I took to break this patterned look It turns out I'm the same And people don't change So why am I alive? You know I've held this too long Something's wrong now And tell me how I'm so small in this paper world while they're so tall And tell me when did my life begin? Well, is it too late to accept my sin? Now that I can fly More of this for fifty years until I die And what I refuse? If these are the "good times" that make life, I'd rather lose All the lies I manage carry my whole package I'm not good, I know I just need to survive All the crime I habit's wreaking all its havoc onto me now And I am grateful What is wrong? No, she should tell me She's the one who's supposed to be my friend When I want it all to end Where is the light? You had one job To sit there and tell you everything will be alright And wipe away my tears Just cry Just cry Now that I'm alone All the words, they seem so pointless on their own And I'm afraid I'm weak But what's life if you have any room for sleep?

I'm not well They can't tell I thought when I sang that, I heard footsteps Thought they were running down the hall To save me before I fall I'm in Hell This is a cry for help I can't feel I just know despite my pleas and my "please" He is coming for me Column down When He wakes up Beat them where they can't cover up And I am next on His list "Kill her with her own fist" After dreaming, it's another day The other him gives hollow promises It's all the same I'm in Hell Take this a whine for help I don't sleep I die for moments then come up for air and eat I know this lesson But I can't shake this rut and they call it heaven Bask in my wrath Hold it close before I crack Leave me be I just know despite my pleas and my "please" He is chasing after me It's so dark now, I can't feel my feet Running for my life in a field of wheat It's all inside the plan, right? I make a left and hide Put on my next disguise He can't find me now Can't shake me down Now I've got to leave Right now

When will you finally haunt me? Do you see the setting you brought me? Oh, I see you, and it's blinding But we won't give in to be hiding Anymore, anymore Hey Lord Hey Lord, I've missed you so I can't remember the last time we talked as friends I know it's a lot to ask We want to be seen I know it's practically suicide But I'm already 18 Let me die, let me die When will you finally brand me? Are you seeing the thoughts you grant me? You're a mystery, and I hate those You should know that, and I won't be hiding Anymore, anymore Hey Lord Hey Lord, I've missed you so Know we both remember the last time we spoke Let's not speak of that I know it's a lot to ask, but we want to be clean I know it's suicide But I'm already 18 Let me die, let me die When will you finally lay me in the wet grass with my future behind me? What's the quarreling moral of the story? They enrage me, so I won't gift mercy anymore Anymore, anymore Ooh, what's the hollowing difference of a girl already gone? Oh, just trust in, I can do this by myself I am ready to lose it again Again Hey Lord Hey Lord, I put a bomb in your sword Hey Lord Hey! Lord, I'm gonna run away I know it's a lot to ask You know this is what I need I know it's suicide But I'm already 18 Let me die, let me die

It's been many years I thought we were meant to be Do you believe me? If I say, I say I can only hear myself anymore I'm on the floor every night Can I die? It's been so long since I felt the lie of love I don't believe you If you say, you say I am with you, I will not forsake you I'm overdue every night Can I die? And the stance at hand: You dance in hallways of my evil plans You knew me before I was guilty Come with me I can only see I'm on my knees every week Kill me Do you understand? What matters is but nothing It's all fake, created I know it, and don't I deserve the truth? Because of you, I'm already gone

What do you do? What do you say? Who are you, coming to greet me? There is no will, so there's no way What do you know? Am I a dream? A show? What do you see? Oh, it's just me Prowling and hiding in the shadows This is a game I'm gonna get you Have you heard knockings lately turn out to be nothing then grab you? What do you do? What do you hear? In your ears, I whisper "come find me" And then disappear What do you see? Don't lie and say that it's a future

Wake up Nine alarms to accompany One more round day after day But at least you're making money Probably lie in bed for hours Get up finally and try not to devour Fake it They can't see what you don't show So don't change it 'Cause they won't know Overthink about things you have to do Then do nothing at all 'cause it's too much for you Blame again the ones who love you most and daily convince yourself you're not a ghost Go home Only one contact but it's alright And call his phone Then feel the worst 'cause all he hears is I can't eat right I can't sleep right I can't talk right I can't walk right I can't feel right I can't hear right I can't live right I can't love right I can't stay right I can't leave right

What else is there to say? There's no dimension that would end with me not feeling this way What else do I bring? I ruin everything when my hands lead my body 'Cause they don't know what they're doing I cannot exaggerate, I will not use hyperbole No symbol or hidden meaning to elaborate I don't need your sorry, I need your help! Yes, you, call the cops or you'll never find my body No escape, no way out No cracked door or unlocked window No one comes so no one bails Never try, never fail What else is there to do? My thread is on its last inch with my life like a record breaking fool What else do I sing? I don't bring anything to the table You can't lie and say my voice makes a difference I cannot exaggerate, I will not overstate No eggs to find or hidden meaning to elaborate I don't need your promise, I need your help! Call the cops, I can't believe that I'm saying this again No escape, no way out No cracked door or unlocked window No one's here, so no one bails Never try, never fail