attention
(1.7.21)
stand in my mind. it's empty but it's full
the letter hangs in my hand, ripped at the top a little
i printed out ten cents a page, i paid a dollar
the only sounds are the cars and the buttons on my collar
how does it feel to always have my attention?
i stare at you longingly when you don't know?
chin on my hand, you're a wonderful distraction
sometimes, most times
excitement pours out of me, i try to contain
why's it matter if they don't care? they'd say that anyway
i printed out ten cents a page, not enough for color
i only had a dollar
how does it feel to always have my attention?
i smile in my mask at the thought of just you
head in my hands, what a pathetic disraction
but is it if i like it?
say hi to me when you walk in the door
i can't tell how you feel which the expression you wore
i printed out ten cents a page, not enough for color
if only i had just one more dollar
how does it feel to always have my attention?
i've been waiting for you, to see through all my desperate glares
i try to stop, it's an incapable distraction
but it isn't, 'cause i like it
no, it isn't, and i like it
oh, it isn't, 'cause i like it
Need You To Know
(11.9.21)
All this and I'm wondering what you're doing
Reading between the lines
You are the best day I have ever seen
What does it mean?
Is there a her I should be envying
'cause she has your eyes when she walks by?
Is there a life I could be yours?
Sinking deeper since you said no first
Is there a time you won't be in my head?
Am I destined for this? Does it ever end?
If I try to forget, I'll just end up wishing I was anybody else
Is it too blunt to say I want to be with you?
I don't care if it's late, just know that it's true
Is wanting you supposed to be this confusing
I don't care if it's late, just know that I do
I don't need an answer, I don't need a no way
I don't need a maybe, I just need you to know
I don't want an answer, I don't want a someday
I don't want a maybe, I just need you to know
Need you to know, need you to know, I need you to know
All this and I think of you once a day
'cause you never leave
You are the best day I ever want to have
What does it mean?
Is there a someone I should be envying?
'Cause they have your eyes when you walk by?
Is there a life I could be yours?
Sinking deeper since you said no first
Is there a time you won't be in my brain?
Am I destined for this? What do I have to gain?
If I want more, I am not a liar
But the feeling consumes, and I get so tired
Is it too honest to say I want to be with you?
I don't care if it's late, I don't care if it's true
Tell me, is wanting you supposed to be this confusing?
I don't care if you don't, just know that I do
I don't need an answer, I don't need a no way
I don't need a maybe, I just need you to know
I don't want an answer, I don't want a no way
I don't want a maybe, I need you to know
I need you to know, I need you to know, need you to know
All this, I'm still wondering what you're thinking
You never leave
Liquid
(12.1.21)
I swear my heart's outside my body
I can't breathe
What do your dead eyes tell me?
Was I bound to make this fall?
Could I pretend I feel nothing at all?
If you need me to I'll get closer
I would hide you from the cold till it's over
if you called my name I would teleport
But I would walk a mile under and over
Once again, does my heart deceive me?
I can't think
What do your natured eyes tell me?
Was I bound to make it out alive?
Could I prevent it without faking that smile?
If you need me to I'll get closer
I would hide you from the hail till it's over
If you called my name I would teleport
But I would walk ten miles under and over
I remember the way you stared
I can't see them
What do your static eyes tell me?
Was I bound to make this fall?
Could I have prevented if you didn't smile?
Can I prevent it if I go for a while?
If you need me to I'll move further
I would hide you from my monsters till they're here no longer
If you called my name, I would teleport
I would walk a marathon under and over
There's no time
I'm losing my mind
There's no time
You hold my mind
Your Only Flaw Is That You're Not Here Right Now
(11.7.21)
I am the rock that you pick up
Then toss in blue with no luck
I am the note you want to skip
You keep it on to please your lips
And I would break my own arm for you
Over and over
Oh, I would take the other path for you
Over and over, over and over
I am the hope you strive to gain
You never win, it's only pain
I am the holes inside your socks
Seep through the night at all costs
And I would break my own legs for you
Over and over
Oh, I would take the wrong path, and I do
Over and over, over and over
I am the fly inside your room
You swat it out but it breaks through
I am the moment after sex
The silence filled with loneliness
The plausible regretfullness
And I would break my own heart for you
Over and over again
Oh, I would hold my breath, and I do
Over and over, over and over
Over and over still
Over and over, over and over
Oxymoron
(2.16.21)
My tunneled vision is getting dimmer
Hope I make it in time for supper
She'll be making stew with her secret ingredient
She always told me I could never spill
Phone is ringing off the hook
Dad's out fishing with his
He'll be bragging that his perfect kids are gonna be like him someday
He always told me not to let people in
But if you told me to tell you the secret ingredient
I would do it in a heartbeat
If you told me I had to let you in I would
You deserve it all, things I cannot give
You deserve it all, things I cannot give
Even though your life is an oxymoron
the Definition of a Burden
(9.9.22)
When will you come home?
When will you see me?
Can you hear me now? I HATE YOU
Why can't I have you?
Why can't you see me?
Can you hear me now? I HATE YOU
Do you hear me? I HATE YOU
I hate you
I thought it was just us, darling
Thought you whispered in my ear that you loved me
You said that it was everything that you could want
I know that I hurt you but you hurt me too
I never thought that you would leave me, babe
I looked away from my side for a minute
Then you were gone
If I remember right, you said that I was the one
The one... really?
That's pathetic, babe
Do you really think that I could hurt you?
Do you really think that I would warn you?
Can you hear me now?!
You are the only, only one I want
Can you hear me now?!!? !?!!??!?!???
You are the only, only, only one I want
Can you hear me now? Listen
I hate your guts and your whole city
Temptress
(6.23.23)
Temptress, I'll win
Who'll notice you're gone today?
Helpless on my terrace
I won't let you go this time
I'm haunted enough to keep you mine
Temptress, I'll be honest
I am bitter you left me
I didn't get a chance to break you slowly
Temptress, I'm jealous
Everything you say is perfect
I want to tuck you in my locket
Temptress, you're heinous
Everything you do is wicked
I want to lock you in my closet
Temptress
I miss when you would do anything to please me
Temptress, I hate this
I can't stand our silent conversations
It all leads back to my vocation
Temptress, I'm jealous
Everything you say is perfect
I want to tuck you in my locket
Temptress, you're heinous
Everything you do is wicked
I want to lock you in my closet
Temptress, save that ignorant bliss
Temptress, save your life with my fist
Temptress, I'm jealous
Everything you do is flawless
Temptress, you're heinous
I want to lock you in my closet
Reincarnate Me
(2.18.21)
Every time he's in my head
I want to dent the wall with it
Pound in me someplace else, I beg
My head is killing
Complicate the things he says that breathe into me on the surface
Counting down the days till we're dead
So unfair that he's not here to breathe into me on the surface
Counting up the days I'm still Read
Every time he's in my head
I wish I were unconscious
I have nothing left to give
The secret's spilling
Exaggerate the things he says that grow into me on the surface
Counting down the days the world's gone
So before you're not here anymore, grow into me on the surface
Counting up the days I'm still Read
Every time he's in my head,
I wish I were comfortably still
Fortunate soul, wish you were me
Know you will
If I Were Older
(10.20-21.21)
If I were older
If I were better at guitar
If I started being what you want
Would I get far?
Every single voice in my chest is screaming
don't you dare let this grow
But if I were older, would you like me?
Would you glance my way at least?
If I were hotter, would you want me?
Would you ever want to know me?
If I were smarter, would you like me?
Would you say hello at least?
If I were older, would you like me?
Could you ever want to know me?
If I wasn't his blood now,
Would you have said something different?
If I were anyone else at
Would you, would you, would you?
If I were older, would you like me?
Would you ask me something at least?
If I were hotter, would you want me?
Would you ever, could you ever?
If I were smarter, would you like me?!
And if he wasn't in the picture
If I were another, would you like me?
Would you like me? Would you like me?
I love you. I'll be fine.
(1.30.22)
I will take the liberty, hide behind metaphors
You should know what I mean; heart on my sleeve
Oh, I know now I must live with you being ungrateful
Go ahead, lie and say this is what they call faithful
The waiting feels like hell
Complaining, it just fell
Always seems to end when you're around
What is the rule for what we say?
Too late to behave
Did you say I'm kind?
I love you. I'll be fine.
I will tie the distance with a gold ribbon
You should know what I want; I say it all the time
Oh, I know now I must suffer you draped on the awning
Go ahead, lie and say this is what they call trying
The wanting feels like hell
Lately it just fell
Always seems to end when you're gone
What is the rule for when we fly?
Too much to goodbye
Did you say you're mine
I love you. I'll be fine.
I know it's all too much for you to remember
But I think it's so clever that they could tell the truth
I didn't like it
I didn't like it
I didn't like it
I didn't like it
I didn't like it
I didn't like it
I didn't like it
I didn't like it
The sinking feels like nothing
I want to feel something
Never seems to end when you're around
What is the rule for when we drink?
I don't care what you think
Wait, did you say you cried?
I love you. Never mind.
The Couch
(11.24.21)
It's hard to look at you without wanting to bang my head against the wall
I can't shake this feeling out, and I'm kinda hoping you don't care at all
It's hard to be touched by you without my whole face looking like my favorite shirt
I can't shake this color out, and I don't know if that's better or worse
You look at me but say nothing
Keep looking down and I can't breathe
Not close enough, when you speak
Can you feel my heart skip beats?
It's hard to think of you without wanting to find a cliff and fall
I can't shake this feeling out, I scold myself for you being there at all
It's hard to touch you without my whole body looking like my favorite shirt
I can't shake this color out, and I can't tell if it's becoming worse
You look at me but say nothing
I look down and I can't breathe
Not close enough, when you speak
Can you feel my heart skip beats?
You look at me but say nothing
We look down, oh, can you breathe?
Not close enough, when we speak
Want to feel your heart on me
It's unlikely I can look at you without wanting to bang my head against the wall
I can't shake this feeling out; do you even care at all?
walking out
(5.1.22)
tell me why i have to go
if you don't know, well, i can tell you
tell me why i'm walking out with someone else now
in someone else's house
'cause i don't know how
I don't know how
it was over the second you said my name
if we were older, maybe we'd have stayed the same
i held on too long, you held on too loose
i should've seen this coming
when you said love you
tell me why i have to do
if you don't know, i guess i can tell you
tell me why i'm walking out with someone else now
to someone else's house
tell me why i have to go
if you don't know, well, you're on your own
tell me why i'm walking out
by myself now
i'm by myself now
and i don't know how
do you know how?